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leaving high school

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

High school is a fierce jungle when you think about it.  You have to survive not only your teachers’ unbelievably diverse tempers in order to get that big, gleaming “A+” (and in my case, a “Gold Eagle”) but the stereotype you were stamped with the moment you stepped  into the high school corridor as well.

During those times, I had four constant best friends.  “Constant” because I’ve developed special bonds with people aside from them but they’ve been the ones I always gravitated to throughout the years.  One of them was Ms. Beauty and Brains.  Top honors since pre-elem.  She’s been bagging quiz bee titles since we were six.  One is our school’s version of head cheerleader.  We didn’t have cheerleading until our fourth year in high school but she was always the “leader” in field demonstrations, class presentations, and practically anything that has to do with dancing.  The other two are your quintessential “Crush ng Bayan” schoolgirls.  You could say our version of blondes.  And me… Well, I was the Editor-In-Chief of the school paper.  At that time, my batch had most editions published (11, if I remember correctly?).  It was a pretty amazing feat considering we had classes the whole day everyday (plus CAT formation during Fridays) and there were times when I had to juggle reviewing for a monthly or periodical examination with laboring on an issue due the next week. 

But it was high school.  Who reads the paper in high school?

 

 

Q5 during our 2nd year high school field trip.  (L-R) KJ and KC (your quintissential Crush ng Bayans), Koryn (the Editor-in-Chief), Gene (the head cheerleader), and Hazel (Ms. Beauty and Brains). 

 

People were more interested in watching Ms. Intrams candidates practice their dance performance or rehearse their catwalk than pick up a copy of The Augustinian Herald.  So there I was with my four popular friends and me…quite known for my byline printed on a paper which nobody reads.  I was the she-could-be-pretty-but-there-are-so-many-other-tisays-and-chinitas-out-there-to-ogle-at girl. 

But high school ended.  And so did my affair with going unnoticed.

College happened.  Work happened.  The rest of the world happened.  I happened.

It was after high school when I began knowing myself.  Realizing all that I am and all that I could be.    I realized, hey, I have the smarts and the face too.  And people noticed.  I felt beautiful.  I became confident.  I blossomed.  If in high school, boys found writing for the school paper such a geeky thing to do, in college men found geeking out impressive.  In high school, being busy all the time is “sooooo uncool.”  But when you’re in the real world, having a hectic schedule is a sign of a skyrocketing career.  In high school, the number of roses you get during Valentines is the threshold of your popularity.  In the world I discovered, not having a boyfriend means there are just too many choices to sift through first to be tied down to one so soon.

So I started avoiding high school get-togethers.  Not because I didn’t miss my friends (because I did), but I was having too much fun in the world that I entered where, this time, the limelight was on me.  I didn’t want to go to a place where I was always in the shadows.  Because no matter how old we get, at some level of our subconscious, we’ll always see each other in our high school versions.  And I didn’t wanna be seen as that insecure girl again.

And I began to hate the question which for some absurd and sometimes infuriating reason many find essential to ask during reunions—May boyfriend ka na ba?

A “yes” answer would be followed by more excited questions.  But saying “no” with be followed by either a sympathetic look or a though bubble saying, “Parang nung high school pa rin.”  I mean, in my case, how could I say my real answer in one line?  Here let me try:

Question:  “May boyfriend ka ba ngayon?”

Answer:  “Wala.”

Question:  “Bakit?”

Answer:  “I used to have one but he died so I got depressed for a while but now that I’ve moved on I enjoy being happy too much to have a relationship destroy the status quo.”

Eng.  Don’t think that would work.  How about this:

Queston:  “Kelan mo plano magpakasal?”

Answer:  “In four year’s time pa siguro.”

Question:  “Bakit antagal?”

Answer:  “There are so many things I still want to do and so many places I want to see and if I get married now my priorities would have to change hence tying me down to a married life I’m not yet ready for.”

Eng. Eng. Eng.

Get what I mean?

So Sunday, afternoon, after a pretty tiring raket, I was still mulling over whether I’d go to Hazel’s (one of my best friends from high school) baby’s party.  I said, if the rain stops by 1pm, I’d go.  It stopped.  So I went.

And it was one of the best decisions I’ve made during the past few weeks.

 

 Lola and Baby Lui.

The party was full of pleasantries.  After they’ve served the cake, we packed up and KJ, Gene, Val, and I decided to go to our house for some chika  time.  For some reason, it turned into a night of confessions for us three.  So I told them mine.  And I spilled out my reasons for avoiding them (and everything that has “high school” on it) for a long time.

I’m glad I did.  Had I not, I would never have found out that they did notice the change in me.  I would never have known that they, too, had realized that I’ve blossomed and that it was a change they welcomed.  And I probably would’ve avoided more get-togethers in the future and miss out on great bonding moments like that.

 

 Lui’s Ninangs.  Maan, Gene, KJ, Koryn. 

 

I realized I miss my high school friends.  I’ve forgotten how fun it is to have them in our house, how comforting it is to have them listening to my problems and vice versa, and how great it is to just talk to them for hours and never run out of topics (or people to diss hehehe).  Because no matter how much we have changed, what didn’t is the friendship that kept us together through to grade school calisthenics to Ms. Vicedo’s nerve-wracking El Fili oral quizzes. 

So after leaving high school…I’m revisiting it.  And this time I won’t be in the shadows.

 

Q5 during our 3rd year high school field trip.  “Q5″ was a term coined by KJ’s then-boyfriend.  It’s a radio call sign which means “beautiful.”


Posted by pennylane at 1:14 PM | permalink

Previous Comments

high school. masaya talaga. sarap balik-balikan.

ang bigat lang ng 3rd year. daming subjects. physics at chem at CAT.

4th year, malungkot na masaya. naiskupan lang ako. sobra. dami na palang nagsi-sex sa amin noon? hehe.

Posted by Miranda Priestly at July 15, 2008, 7:16 pm

Damn.

Admit it. You Ladies made a pact with the devil.

Bakit mas maganda kayo ngayon?

(I accept mastercard and visa for that comment)

Posted by tk at July 15, 2008, 8:35 pm

MIRANDA…ang ayoko sa 3rd year ay ang trigonometry. blech. ‘wag ka mag-alala. naiskupan din ako nun. hehehe. kala ko hanggang holding hands lang ang mga magseeeyota noon hahaha.

TK…i banned myself from using credit cards eh hehehe. thanks to the wonders of dieting and facials :p

Posted by pennylane at July 15, 2008, 11:35 pm

Pretty pictures. :)

I changed a lot too after high school. Discovered more of myself and consequently became a lot more comfortable as to who and what I am. The process of discovery took years and all throughout that time, I also avoided any contact with my high school friends save for those who also became my classmates in college. It was only five years ago when I decided to resume contact with them and like you, that’s when I realized that I missed them a lot too. But I’m also glad to know that they’ve accepted the new ME. :)

Posted by Panaderos at July 16, 2008, 10:20 am

high school is a jungle.. but after it, you realize there’s a bigger world out there. much bigger :) and a much fiercer jungle if i may add hehehe.

Posted by pennylane at July 16, 2008, 10:42 am

high school is the best! my three best friends come from my click in high school. i trust my high school friends the most. sabi nila mas matatag ang friendship na nabubuo kapag adult ka na. yes but if you think about it, kapag tumagal ang pagkakaibigan hanggang pagtanda hindi ba mas matatag yun?

Posted by queen bee at July 16, 2008, 1:32 pm

i think depende :) longevity DOES give the friendship more history pero kung wala namang willingness from all the parties involve to keep the friendship in tact, wala rin.

in my case, i’m lucky that when i realized i’m ready to face high school again, andun pa sila.

Posted by pennylane at July 16, 2008, 1:37 pm

hi :) i got to your blog through jen’s. i was reading through it when i got to this post. second sentence mo pa lang alam ko na pareho tayo ng high school :D haha! astiiig. i graduated in 2004. you?

Posted by nikki at September 1, 2008, 8:20 pm

hi nikki! oh geez, you graduated in 2004? man, i’m old. i graduated in 1999 haha.
CSA binan ka rin ba or dasma? baka kasi dasma, i’m from binan. the one near southwoods exit. and splash island. hehe.

Posted by pennylane at September 1, 2008, 11:26 pm

aaah. i’m from dasma. :) kaya pala augustinian herald kayo, akala ko naman kasi you just came from an older batch kaya ibang name. sa amin naman it was called the insights. i was the news editor. hihi, sorry hah. natutuwa lang ako kasi pag nakakakita ako ng co-augustinians.

Posted by nikki at September 2, 2008, 7:25 pm

haha no prob :)
it’s nice to make new acquaintances every now and then, even if it’s in cyberspace :)

Posted by pennylane at September 2, 2008, 11:10 pm

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