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leaving high school

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

High school is a fierce jungle when you think about it.  You have to survive not only your teachers’ unbelievably diverse tempers in order to get that big, gleaming “A+” (and in my case, a “Gold Eagle”) but the stereotype you were stamped with the moment you stepped  into the high school corridor as well.

During those times, I had four constant best friends.  “Constant” because I’ve developed special bonds with people aside from them but they’ve been the ones I always gravitated to throughout the years.  One of them was Ms. Beauty and Brains.  Top honors since pre-elem.  She’s been bagging quiz bee titles since we were six.  One is our school’s version of head cheerleader.  We didn’t have cheerleading until our fourth year in high school but she was always the “leader” in field demonstrations, class presentations, and practically anything that has to do with dancing.  The other two are your quintessential “Crush ng Bayan” schoolgirls.  You could say our version of blondes.  And me… Well, I was the Editor-In-Chief of the school paper.  At that time, my batch had most editions published (11, if I remember correctly?).  It was a pretty amazing feat considering we had classes the whole day everyday (plus CAT formation during Fridays) and there were times when I had to juggle reviewing for a monthly or periodical examination with laboring on an issue due the next week. 

But it was high school.  Who reads the paper in high school?

 

 

Q5 during our 2nd year high school field trip.  (L-R) KJ and KC (your quintissential Crush ng Bayans), Koryn (the Editor-in-Chief), Gene (the head cheerleader), and Hazel (Ms. Beauty and Brains). 

 

People were more interested in watching Ms. Intrams candidates practice their dance performance or rehearse their catwalk than pick up a copy of The Augustinian Herald.  So there I was with my four popular friends and me…quite known for my byline printed on a paper which nobody reads.  I was the she-could-be-pretty-but-there-are-so-many-other-tisays-and-chinitas-out-there-to-ogle-at girl. 

But high school ended.  And so did my affair with going unnoticed.

College happened.  Work happened.  The rest of the world happened.  I happened.

It was after high school when I began knowing myself.  Realizing all that I am and all that I could be.    I realized, hey, I have the smarts and the face too.  And people noticed.  I felt beautiful.  I became confident.  I blossomed.  If in high school, boys found writing for the school paper such a geeky thing to do, in college men found geeking out impressive.  In high school, being busy all the time is “sooooo uncool.”  But when you’re in the real world, having a hectic schedule is a sign of a skyrocketing career.  In high school, the number of roses you get during Valentines is the threshold of your popularity.  In the world I discovered, not having a boyfriend means there are just too many choices to sift through first to be tied down to one so soon.

So I started avoiding high school get-togethers.  Not because I didn’t miss my friends (because I did), but I was having too much fun in the world that I entered where, this time, the limelight was on me.  I didn’t want to go to a place where I was always in the shadows.  Because no matter how old we get, at some level of our subconscious, we’ll always see each other in our high school versions.  And I didn’t wanna be seen as that insecure girl again.

And I began to hate the question which for some absurd and sometimes infuriating reason many find essential to ask during reunions—May boyfriend ka na ba?

A “yes” answer would be followed by more excited questions.  But saying “no” with be followed by either a sympathetic look or a though bubble saying, “Parang nung high school pa rin.”  I mean, in my case, how could I say my real answer in one line?  Here let me try:

Question:  “May boyfriend ka ba ngayon?”

Answer:  “Wala.”

Question:  “Bakit?”

Answer:  “I used to have one but he died so I got depressed for a while but now that I’ve moved on I enjoy being happy too much to have a relationship destroy the status quo.”

Eng.  Don’t think that would work.  How about this:

Queston:  “Kelan mo plano magpakasal?”

Answer:  “In four year’s time pa siguro.”

Question:  “Bakit antagal?”

Answer:  “There are so many things I still want to do and so many places I want to see and if I get married now my priorities would have to change hence tying me down to a married life I’m not yet ready for.”

Eng. Eng. Eng.

Get what I mean?

So Sunday, afternoon, after a pretty tiring raket, I was still mulling over whether I’d go to Hazel’s (one of my best friends from high school) baby’s party.  I said, if the rain stops by 1pm, I’d go.  It stopped.  So I went.

And it was one of the best decisions I’ve made during the past few weeks.

 

 Lola and Baby Lui.

The party was full of pleasantries.  After they’ve served the cake, we packed up and KJ, Gene, Val, and I decided to go to our house for some chika  time.  For some reason, it turned into a night of confessions for us three.  So I told them mine.  And I spilled out my reasons for avoiding them (and everything that has “high school” on it) for a long time.

I’m glad I did.  Had I not, I would never have found out that they did notice the change in me.  I would never have known that they, too, had realized that I’ve blossomed and that it was a change they welcomed.  And I probably would’ve avoided more get-togethers in the future and miss out on great bonding moments like that.

 

 Lui’s Ninangs.  Maan, Gene, KJ, Koryn. 

 

I realized I miss my high school friends.  I’ve forgotten how fun it is to have them in our house, how comforting it is to have them listening to my problems and vice versa, and how great it is to just talk to them for hours and never run out of topics (or people to diss hehehe).  Because no matter how much we have changed, what didn’t is the friendship that kept us together through to grade school calisthenics to Ms. Vicedo’s nerve-wracking El Fili oral quizzes. 

So after leaving high school…I’m revisiting it.  And this time I won’t be in the shadows.

 

Q5 during our 3rd year high school field trip.  “Q5″ was a term coined by KJ’s then-boyfriend.  It’s a radio call sign which means “beautiful.”

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