life’s irony

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lolo Ricardo is 78 years old.  He was found guilty of murder and was imprisoned for 11 years.  Last June 12, as an Independence Day gift, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo granted conditional pardon to Bilibid prisoners aged 70 and above.  26 lolos were released.  Lolo Ricardo was one of them.  He cried in joy and thanked the Lord for this wonderful gift of freedom.  “Lord, bigyan mo ako ng kalakasan, Lord.  Hindi na ako uulit,” he said.  Finally, he would be reunited with his familly.  For the first time in 11 years, he would be able to hug his family again–his wife, his children, his grandchildren. 

But he never had the chance to even see them again.

Nine days after he was released, Lolo Ricardo boarded the M/V Princess of the Stars.  With him probably were happy thoughts of his reunion with his family.  Perhaps he was imagining that moment when the ship would dock and he would go down and meet his family who would then rush towards him and wrap him in their loving arms.   But instead of that happy ending, Lolo Ricardo had a tragic one.  When Typhoon Frank devastated the seas of Romblon and caused the M/V Princess of the Stars to overturn and sink, Lolo Ricardo was one of the 800 plus passengers who sunk with it. 

-

 

(Top) Lolo Ricardo receiving his certificate for conditional pardon. (Bottom) Lolo Ricardo in tears while thanking the Lord for his freedom.

With him were three jailguards–Einstein Ponciano, Virgilio Rejoj and Ramiro Martin plus Marlon Porones, a prisoner who was supposed to attend a court hearing in Talibon, Bohol.

The Bureau of Corrections is still searching for them but up to now they still have no idea if they’re still alive or already dead.

Yesterday afternoon, the families of the passengers of the sunken M/V Princess of the Stars held a Sayaw-Panalangin in fron the the Sulpicio Lines ticketing office as a mark of their pagbababang-luksa.  It’s been forty days since that tragic day which took the lives of hundreds of people.  But up to now, these families still have no idea where their loved ones are.  Having lost someone I loved two years ago, I know how devastating the grief is.  But how much more is it for these families who don’t even know where the bodies of their loved ones are?  No body to embrace for the last time.  To bid a final goodbye to.  How can you expect them to move on when there’s this thin desperate hope that their loved ones are still alive taunting them? Torturing them?

As with everything else in this country, justice and closure for these families are still a long way off.  But I hope and pray that for the sake of the souls of the hundreds of dead people trapped underneath the M/V Princess of the Stars or floating in the Visayan seas and for their families’ peace of mind, this time will be an exception.

the dark night

Friday, July 25, 2008

Anarchy in its most poetic form.

Disturbing.

Effective.

Beautiful.

Notice how I’m babbling. Still have goosebumps all over.

You HAVE to watch it. THE movie of the year. Astig. Sobra.

slowing down

Friday, July 18, 2008

 ”Do you think we’re having a quarterlife crisis?”  Ami texted me this morning as a continuation of our 30-minute cellphone conversation yesterday. 

I’ve been having some issues lately which not even my closest friends are privy to.  After two weeks of a relative diet from nicotine, I puffed three in a row yesterday while I was having a down moment.  I wanted to call my sister but she has too much on her mind right now to deal with my woes.  So I called Ami instead (poor her :p).  She was having some issues herself so I thought, who better to talk to?

I was already poised to for some Google time but Ami beat me to it.  She sent me an email perfectly describing what we’re going through.  Wikipedia describes “quarterlife crisis” as:

 

The  term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the ages of 21 - 29.

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

• feeling “not good enough” because one can’t find a job that is at one’s academic/intellectual level
• frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
• confusion of identity -Check! 
• insecurity regarding the near future -Check!
• insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals -Check!
• insecurity regarding present accomplishments -Check!
• re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
• disappointment with one’s job
• nostalgia for university, college, high school, or elementary life  -Check!
• tendency to hold stronger opinions
• boredom with social interactions -In my case, I now prefer sleepovers and out of town trips over gimik nights out (calling Peter and Jen!)  Oh, but this excludes the upcoming Eraserheads reunion (woohoo!).  More on that later
• loss of closeness to high school and college friends
• financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)  -Check!
• loneliness
• desire to have children -Uh, NO.  But I am madly in love with Danielle
• a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you.  -Check! 

 

Wow, that made sense.  And it made me feel a lot better to know that I’m not alone in the world haha.  I’d explain each characteristic I’m feeling but that’d take a whole webpage :p

But for whatever it’s worth, there’s an upside to this quarterlife thingie I’m having.

Last night, I was told I’m to receive a big fat paycheck for one my rakets.  And instead of  canvassing for specs of the next gadget on my wishlist, my immediate thoughts were of my personal savings.  I’m handling money more wisely now.  And I’m pretty damn proud of myself *pats self on the back*

I’ve acquired a love for the seven-peso vendo machine instead of flushing a hundred bucks for a grande macchiato at Starbucks. 

Friday nights are now spent at a friend’s house (which means less gastos and more quality time) and weekends are spent with my adorable imps and my loony family.

Ami and I wondered how long it would take for us to get pass this stage.  Or I’m thinking, maybe it’s just a state of mind.  After all, perspective has a lot to do with happiness.

So for everyone else my age who’s experience any of the abovementioned symptoms, fret not.  You’re not alone   And crisis or not, don’t forget to flip yer hair   Now THAT’s one thing I know I’m good at.

 

 

Ami and I.  Quarterlife crisis chicks.  Haha!

leaving high school

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

High school is a fierce jungle when you think about it.  You have to survive not only your teachers’ unbelievably diverse tempers in order to get that big, gleaming “A+” (and in my case, a “Gold Eagle”) but the stereotype you were stamped with the moment you stepped  into the high school corridor as well.

During those times, I had four constant best friends.  “Constant” because I’ve developed special bonds with people aside from them but they’ve been the ones I always gravitated to throughout the years.  One of them was Ms. Beauty and Brains.  Top honors since pre-elem.  She’s been bagging quiz bee titles since we were six.  One is our school’s version of head cheerleader.  We didn’t have cheerleading until our fourth year in high school but she was always the “leader” in field demonstrations, class presentations, and practically anything that has to do with dancing.  The other two are your quintessential “Crush ng Bayan” schoolgirls.  You could say our version of blondes.  And me… Well, I was the Editor-In-Chief of the school paper.  At that time, my batch had most editions published (11, if I remember correctly?).  It was a pretty amazing feat considering we had classes the whole day everyday (plus CAT formation during Fridays) and there were times when I had to juggle reviewing for a monthly or periodical examination with laboring on an issue due the next week. 

But it was high school.  Who reads the paper in high school?

 

 

Q5 during our 2nd year high school field trip.  (L-R) KJ and KC (your quintissential Crush ng Bayans), Koryn (the Editor-in-Chief), Gene (the head cheerleader), and Hazel (Ms. Beauty and Brains). 

 

People were more interested in watching Ms. Intrams candidates practice their dance performance or rehearse their catwalk than pick up a copy of The Augustinian Herald.  So there I was with my four popular friends and me…quite known for my byline printed on a paper which nobody reads.  I was the she-could-be-pretty-but-there-are-so-many-other-tisays-and-chinitas-out-there-to-ogle-at girl. 

But high school ended.  And so did my affair with going unnoticed.

College happened.  Work happened.  The rest of the world happened.  I happened.

It was after high school when I began knowing myself.  Realizing all that I am and all that I could be.    I realized, hey, I have the smarts and the face too.  And people noticed.  I felt beautiful.  I became confident.  I blossomed.  If in high school, boys found writing for the school paper such a geeky thing to do, in college men found geeking out impressive.  In high school, being busy all the time is “sooooo uncool.”  But when you’re in the real world, having a hectic schedule is a sign of a skyrocketing career.  In high school, the number of roses you get during Valentines is the threshold of your popularity.  In the world I discovered, not having a boyfriend means there are just too many choices to sift through first to be tied down to one so soon.

So I started avoiding high school get-togethers.  Not because I didn’t miss my friends (because I did), but I was having too much fun in the world that I entered where, this time, the limelight was on me.  I didn’t want to go to a place where I was always in the shadows.  Because no matter how old we get, at some level of our subconscious, we’ll always see each other in our high school versions.  And I didn’t wanna be seen as that insecure girl again.

And I began to hate the question which for some absurd and sometimes infuriating reason many find essential to ask during reunions—May boyfriend ka na ba?

A “yes” answer would be followed by more excited questions.  But saying “no” with be followed by either a sympathetic look or a though bubble saying, “Parang nung high school pa rin.”  I mean, in my case, how could I say my real answer in one line?  Here let me try:

Question:  “May boyfriend ka ba ngayon?”

Answer:  “Wala.”

Question:  “Bakit?”

Answer:  “I used to have one but he died so I got depressed for a while but now that I’ve moved on I enjoy being happy too much to have a relationship destroy the status quo.”

Eng.  Don’t think that would work.  How about this:

Queston:  “Kelan mo plano magpakasal?”

Answer:  “In four year’s time pa siguro.”

Question:  “Bakit antagal?”

Answer:  “There are so many things I still want to do and so many places I want to see and if I get married now my priorities would have to change hence tying me down to a married life I’m not yet ready for.”

Eng. Eng. Eng.

Get what I mean?

So Sunday, afternoon, after a pretty tiring raket, I was still mulling over whether I’d go to Hazel’s (one of my best friends from high school) baby’s party.  I said, if the rain stops by 1pm, I’d go.  It stopped.  So I went.

And it was one of the best decisions I’ve made during the past few weeks.

 

 Lola and Baby Lui.

The party was full of pleasantries.  After they’ve served the cake, we packed up and KJ, Gene, Val, and I decided to go to our house for some chika  time.  For some reason, it turned into a night of confessions for us three.  So I told them mine.  And I spilled out my reasons for avoiding them (and everything that has “high school” on it) for a long time.

I’m glad I did.  Had I not, I would never have found out that they did notice the change in me.  I would never have known that they, too, had realized that I’ve blossomed and that it was a change they welcomed.  And I probably would’ve avoided more get-togethers in the future and miss out on great bonding moments like that.

 

 Lui’s Ninangs.  Maan, Gene, KJ, Koryn. 

 

I realized I miss my high school friends.  I’ve forgotten how fun it is to have them in our house, how comforting it is to have them listening to my problems and vice versa, and how great it is to just talk to them for hours and never run out of topics (or people to diss hehehe).  Because no matter how much we have changed, what didn’t is the friendship that kept us together through to grade school calisthenics to Ms. Vicedo’s nerve-wracking El Fili oral quizzes. 

So after leaving high school…I’m revisiting it.  And this time I won’t be in the shadows.

 

Q5 during our 3rd year high school field trip.  “Q5″ was a term coined by KJ’s then-boyfriend.  It’s a radio call sign which means “beautiful.”

pahingi nga ng endosulfan

Friday, July 11, 2008

May mga tao kasing pilit na ipinagsisiksikan ang sarili sa buhay ng ibang tao.  Parang peste sa palay na kahit ilang beses sabuyan ng pestisidyo eh bumabalik-balik pa rin.  Buti sana kung nakakatulong eh sagabal lang sa pag-unlad.  Nakakabigat.  Walang buting naidudulot.

Siguro naman pagkatapos ng endosulfan (at ng post na ito) eh hindi na babalik ang mga peste.

overload

Thursday, July 3, 2008

I’m not the healthiest person I know but at least I don’t have any chronic illness.  I don’t have to worry about taking meds on a regular basis, wearing glasses or making sure my contacts are moist, always making sure I have an inhaler with me, etc.  Recurring colds and coughs are the worst I’ve had and the last time I was confined was during my knee socks and bow-biter days (it was H-fever, I think).

But last Sunday, I began to feel a burning sensation in my stomach.  I let it slip at first but it’s hard to ignore when you’re stomach is doing cartwheels while you’re writing a one and a half minuter a few minutes to airing.

Then last night, I made yet another mistake of ignoring my stomach’s plea for a decent meal.  So it wasn’t just cartwheels afterwards.  There were some back-flips and spreadeagles with a lot of burning sensation.

Refusing to face the possibility of actually being sick, I researched online before going to a doctor.  Lo and behold.  It’s hyperacidity.

A list of its causes says that I’m the perfect candidate:

Consumption of maximum rich and spicy foods -check!

Eating very fast without proper chewing -check!

Long sitting work -check!

Mental stress -check! check! check!

Inappropriate sleep -check! check! check!

Smoking -check!

Its symtpoms are what I’ve been pretty much experiencing:

Burning sensation in the stomach -check!

Pain in upper abdomen -check!

Gastric fart -as embarassing as it is, check!

Constipation -check!  (and I am NEVER constipated)

Fatigue -check!

I know, I know, it’s not the end of the world.  Pero hassle eh.  I don’t like the idea of limiting my food choices.  Worse, I dread the idea of NOT drinking coffee or tea.  And I don’t want to worry,

Boo hoo. 

Is age catching up with me?  Sigh.