my battle cry

If Jean’s battlecry is, “Buhay retired!” mine would be “Alam ko na gagawin ko sa buhay ko!  Woohoo!”  A bit lengthy for a battle cry, but what the heck.  I’m just amazed how calm I am despite all the uncertainty currently surrounding me.  Maybe because I’ve learned certain ways of dealing with this uncertainty which, hopefully, would eventually lead me to certainty.  Eh?  Don’t worry, sometimes I don’t get it either but I’ve discovered how to find beauty in chaos

It’s scary, mind you.  I envy those who, at this point in their lives, already know (as Miranda puts it) "what they want to be when they grow up.”  I always thought I knew.  April even said I had it easy.  Right after college, I got a wonderful four-month stint with Cinemanila right after which, I was hired by one of the leading networks in the country.  It wasn’t hard for me to jump boats either because of the experience I’ve acquired.  And when I dared brave the corporate world, experience helped also.  She and Ami (my other thesismate slash rant-over-a-couple-of-drinks-in-Greenbelt friend) on the other hand experienced the frustration of job-hopping early on.  Luckily for April, she’s now in a job she likes and suits her priorities.  What really scares me right now is the idea that I’ve been making one wrong decision after another.  But on this note, Desiree forwarded me a message I sent her a few months back—“It’s not a matter of standing by it [the decision] eh, it’s a matter of trying things out and finding out if one thing is meant for you or not. We make right and wrong decisions all the time.  Importante, we learn from them. ”  Wow.  I never realized I could actually make sense sometimes.  Haha!

“Charge it to experience,” a friend told me.  And that’s what I’m doing.  Before, I dealt with clients–ranging from Aling Barang ("Dapat maintindihan ng masa ang storya niyo." "Dapat ang opening video niyo makukuha agad ang atensyon nila.") to major sponsors (5 pairs of suits in exchange for the company logo's appearance in the program's CBB etc. etc.) and all.  I had to please people.  No.  I had to woo them.  After crossing fences, I’m now a client—the one giving the demands.  And seeing the mechanism of things from the other side is one big learning experience.  A closer look at the symbiotic relationship between the media and consumer products.  Mas naiintindihan ko na kung pa’no umiikot ang mundo.  A kind of knowledge I know I'll be able to use in the future.

It’s also rewarding to know that I can be good at things other than what I’ve gotten used to.  That I can excel in areas I didn’t even study about in college.   So it narrows down the choices to passion and what really gives me a kind of high like no other.  Stability and instant grandeur sometimes messes up the equation (you don't know how many times I've wished I was one of them filthy rich kids who doesn't have to worry whether their job would pay the bills so long as they're having fun).  But Cecille once told me that “Stability is a state of mind.”  And it’s something that you eventually get if you do what you love to do.  Something which I intend on finding out even if it means I’ll get scared every now and then.

So while the 300 mighty Spartans shout “WAHU! WAHU!”  I proudly declare my battlecry… “ALAM KO NA GAGAWIN KO SA BUHAY KO!!!!! WOOHOO!”

My YM status message.  After posting this, my contacts started buzzing and congratulating me.  Adrian said, "Buti ka pa! Ako, ang gulu-gulo." Paner said, "Congrats sa kung anuman ang gagawin mo sa buhay mo." Joan said, "So ano nga ba gagawin mo sa buhay mo??" And I replied, "You'll find out soon enough "

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It's an endless journey, I think.  I haven't been able to watch it yet but according to Ate Ains, the most striking line in the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness is "There is no real happiness.  Just the pursuit," or something like that.  If that's the case, I'm here to enjoy the ride.