with age comes wisdom–and so i learned

(A ridiculously delayed birthday post)

I set big expectations for my birthday this year.  Was planning on a big party because I thought, hey, I deserve to celebrate.  But, as we all learn on many occasions that things don't always go as planned, I didn't get my big party.  Well, I did spend Saturday night dancing and getting drunk with a couple of close friends in Greenbelt but April Fool's Day (yes, that my birthday) itself was spent locked up inside my room.  I usually claim April 1 to be MY day, and that nothing and no one is gonna ruin it for me.  I was so depressed that day, though, to the point that I admitted to Ate Ains it was the worst birthday ever.

At work the next day, I was almost always on the verge of tears and couldn't wait for the day to end.  By 7:30 p.m. I was already hailing a cab in Valero St.  I almost wanted to cancel dinner with Desiree.  I figured I could just re-watch Grey's Anatomy Season 3 and mope in my Project 6 condo.  Good thing I didn't.  Because the surprise I got turned everything around.

When I began working for the what I used to call The Other Network last July 2006, I told myself I'd stay detached because I'm just there to do my job, nothing more.  But without me realizing it, I've begun connecting with people I never even made efforts to become close to.  The card was filled with greetings from those who've become my favorite people in the network.

Si Desiree

"Iledan!  Miss ka na namin sobra!  Madami kang reason para bumalik-balik dito…ano man problema dito lang ako.  Kaya ang lahat!"

Hate niya actually na tinatawag ko siya sa pangalan na 'yun kaya….Desiree! Desiree! Desiree!  Bwahahaha!  Bilib ako sa pasensya ng babaeng 'to.  Eversince the accident, sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, siya ang napagbubuntungan ko ng init ng ulo at kasungitan.  As in really extreme mood swings.  Lagi ko 'yang itetext by the end of the day, "Pasensya na kanina…I'll change na…" etc. etc. etc.  Pero, hehe, talagang tinotopak ako eh.  Pero nandiyan pa rin siya. 

Masaya kasama mag-shoot kasi for once, ako naman ang kinukunan ng picture!  Haha.  Inaaway ko 'yan 'pag ang gulu-gulo ng shoot sked namin at umiiral ang ka-oc-han ko.  Never siya nag-VO guide kasi alam niyang hahagalpak kami sa kakatawa ni Athan.  Sayang, nung first time na napilitan siya, di ko man lang narinig dahil 'di na ko dun nagtatrabaho.  'Di bale, pina-export ko na naman yung audio.  Magawa ngang ringtone…hehe…

Si Mehe

"Hafi Vertdey Mother.  Resfect me."

Mahabang storya kung bakit namin siya nire-"resfect."  Basta ngayong may daily dose na 'ko of corporate jargons, nakaka-relate na 'ko sa kanya 'pag dinudugo ang ilong niya tuwing Inglesero ang kausap niya!

Dahil researcher ng anchor, araw-araw 'yang ngarag.  Pero kahit na 1st gap ang story niya at 10 minutes 'til airing na lang, hindi magdadalawang isip 'yan tulungan ka 'pag kelangan.  During the time that I was weighing my career options, nag-heart-to-heart kami niyan sa garden.  Pero pinangunahan niya 'ko–di raw siya magaling magbigay ng advice.  True enough, she didn't say much.  BUT, she's one of the best listeners I've ever met.  Walang stir 'yan.  And minsan, that's all you really need to feel better.

Si Kuya Rex

"Hapi bday my dearest friend or sister, thanks for being there when I need someone to talk to."

Tahimik lang 'yan, nanonood ng YouTube or movie trailers 'pag wala 'pang edit.  O kaya naman nakikinig ng Bon Jovi sa FCP niya na lagi ko naman pinagtatawanan.  Basta, may sarili siyang mundo.  Pero 'pag nagsimula na kaming magharutan nila Desiree, Athan, at Mehe, mamaya-maya maririnig mo na lang 'yung halakhak niya.  Nakikinig pala!

Sa yosi breaks talaga kami nagkakausap niyan.  And one time, he gave me one of the most simple yet best advices–"Ok lang 'yan.  Bata ka pa, marami ka pang pwedeng i-explore."  O 'di ba, tatay na tatay?  Hehe, joke! Sige na, brother na.

Si Athan

"Happy Birthday!  We all know it's scary as hell.  Except there's an upside to the free fall.  It's the chance you give your friends to catch you…–Sleep Hollow =) Nate"

Mahabang storya rin kung bakit "Sleepy Hollow" at "Nate."  Basta ang masasabi ko lang, soooooooobrang korny ng mga joke niya to the point na tatawa ka na lang sa kakornihan. 

"Funny Guide" ang label niya palagi sa VO guide ko.  Kasi maarte raw ako magsalit.  Haler!  Ako?  Maarte??  Hehe.  I never thought I'd meet a guy na adik din sa Grey's Anatomy.  At masarap kasagutan ng quotable quotes!

He finds happiness in things other people consider childish and doesn't really care to a point that he brings out the inner child in you too.  You know he really listens because he remembers details that even I've forgotten about myself.  I'm older than he is, but lately, he's been a source of words of wisdom.

Si Sir B

Actually, wala siyang sinulat sa card.  Kasi he's not the Hallmark type kind of person.  Or kung napasulat man siya, I'm sure ang ilalagay niya ay something like 'yung mga sinabi niya sa'kin nung gabing 'yun–

"Kung kelan pa nangitim ang kili-kili mo tsaka ka nag-isip bata!"

"Ikaw ang pinakamatandang dose anyos na nakilala ko."

"Subukan mong maligo araw-araw baka para luminaw isip mo."

Sabay segue sa seryosong statement–"FOCUS." 

He imparts wisdom in the most unconventional ways.  Dati, ang SOT niya lagi 'pag chine-check ang script ko, "Dumudugo na naman ilong ko sa script mo! Halika nga rito, kotongan kita eh."  Tapos magtatanong 'yan ng magtatanong ng magtatanong.  Tapos sasabihin sa'kin, "O 'yun naman pala gusto mong sabihin eh.  I-rewrite mo 'yan."  And before I knew it, minimal na lang ang corrections sa script ko.  Pero nung gabing 'yun, hindi scriptwriting ang itinuro niya sa'kin.  Nung sinabi niya sa'king "Focus," para talagang lumiwanag ang mga bagay-bagay. "Pano mo malalaman kung masaya ka ngayon kung lumilipad ang utak mo sa ibang bagay?  Focus ka sa ginagawa mo ngayon para maramdaman mo talaga kung masaya ka diyan.  Sabi nga ni Aristotle, there is no absolute happiness.  Hindi lahat ng gusto mo makuhuha mo.  I-rank mo ang priorities mo and base your decision on that."  Ang simple 'di ba?  Months ago, someone told me to "focus" when I told him na 'di ko alam ang gusto ko.  Inaway ko lang siya kasi feeling ko nun tinatamad lang siya kausapin ako, hehe.  Ngayon gets ko na.

My Other Favorite People

Si "Binji," si "I'm Sorry, si TLB, si Kuya Jet, si "Ma'am" Irish…mga taong napapatawa ako ng hindi nila alam at mga taong hindi ko inaakalang magiging kaibigan ko pala. 

—

I think that night was actually a prelude to that Thursday when I first felt genuinely happy again.  Focus.  Focus on the things I have, not on the ones I don't.  Focus.  On being happy with what is mine and not dwell on what is not.  And since then, focus is what I've been doing.  I remember, I used to tell him, "Happy thoughts, happy thoughts."  Because I wanted him to focus on the good things.  Sometimes we give too much attention to what we lost, what we want but can't have, that we forget the valuable ones that are actually in our hands.  So now, my life's current mantra is "Focus."  And even if things don't fall into place as soon as I want to, I'm hoping everything would be much clearer.  

A happy thought.