:)

I wasn't even doing anything when it happened. 

We still had four hours to go before we reached Baguio, my butt ached, and my throat was sore from whiling my boredom away with cancer sticks.  We were somewhere in Pangasinan, driving down a seemingly endless road, when suddenly, it happened.

A moment of calm and peace washed over me.  I don't know how, why, or what triggered that moment, basta, it just happened.  And I felt the long-missed familiar feeling of happiness.  True, unpretententious, happiness.  Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong nangyari, pramis.  Hindi ko rin ma-explain kung ano 'yung naramdaman ko, but at that certain moment, I felt like nothing could go wrong.  My life is still far from perfect (and I doubt it will ever be), but instead of crossroads, I see endless possibilities.

For the longest time, being happy was a struggle.  I used to dread get-togethers because I knew that pasting a smile on my face wouldn't conceal my loneliness.  But now, I think, I won't have to pretend anymore. 

Isipin mo 'yun, ginawa ko lahat–I went on a retreat, I partied, I went to the beach, I changed jobs, I trashed my stuff and broke bottles, I mingled with new people just so I can get past the depression.  Yes, I moved forward, but none of them hit the spot.  I'm not saying hindi nakatulong 'yung mga 'yun ha.  They helped, big time.  "Part of the healing process" nga raw 'yun eh sabi ng dati kong boss.  It's just that sobrang amazed lang ako ngayon na just when I wasn't doing anything, that's when it came.  The moment I've been waiting for.  The moment that I honeslty, sincerely, genuinely,  felt that everything's going to be alright.

And I think I'm going to be okay