a moment of doubt

Sleeping early and waking up early is not my thing.  I choose funky over preppy.  My feet sweat in closed shoes.  I look good in styletoes but work better in flip-flops.  I hating waiting for elevators.  I'm not so used to many protocols.   Silence deafens me.  The shouting, bantering, the sound of furious typing on keyboards, and the frantic footsteps are music to my ears.

This is a moment of doubt, a moment of yearning for the familiar.  I used to know what I want.  Now, I'm not even sure how to find out what it is.  The Great Miranda of the Night told me (during another morning of ridiculously expensive breakfast in Ayala Ave.), "You're not lost.  You're just finding your way."  I asked her how long did it take for her to find hers.  She said, "Years."  Yikes.

I miss my tsinelas.

signs and meanings

This morning I prayed, "Lord, give me three signs.  Please.  So I'll know what to do."

1st sign:  I lost my company I.D. and my access tag.  

2nd sign:  My phone fell in the ditch.  Never mind the "how" part.  It's currently in the garage for repairs.  I'd have to wait four hours to find out if it will still work.  The guy behind the counter said, out of 10 phones that get submerged in water, only three come out functioning normally again.  Great.

I'm still waiting for the third sign.  But when it comes, would I know what these three would mean?

waaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

BITIN NA BITIN AKO SA HEROES!!!  Muntik na 'kong ma-heart attack sa cliffhanger season ender niya….AT SA JUNE PA RAW LALABAS ANG SEASON 2!!!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

…

It's the first time someone wrote a poem for me.

"Sitting at the corner, alone with cold feet,
watching everyone pass by,
thinking about fate without care,
you sat there with saddened eyes.

And soon, her blindfold will be gone…
shackles will shatter…
and then, she will smile… "

—

All this time, I never realized it but, you see me.  Thank you.

how timely!

My horoscope for today:

The Bottom Line

You may have problems with computers or machines. Ask for help if you need it.

In Detail

Whether or not you fancy yourself a 'tech-head,' you will be forced to deal with a lot of issues involving computers or machines today. These issues will affect your professional future — so if you are less than confident about your abilities in this area, it's very important that you ask for the help you need. You won't impress anyone (or learn anything new) if you pretend that you already know how to do everything.

Taena, swak na swak!  Natawa ko dun ah!

—

The perks of hitching a ride to work with The Sister Extraordinaire is that I get to eat an incredulously expensive breakfast at Starbucks and have her foot the bill.  Ha!

—

Rediscovering my jive.  According to Kuya Hech, that's what I'm doing.  I like the sound of it.  And I like it that everyone feels I made the right decision.  I mean, I believe that I chose right but venturing into the unknown is always scary and no matter how much experience you've had, there's always something new you have to learn, harder tasks to accomplish, and different expectations to meet.  But when it comes to to the withstanding pressure, stress, tight deadlines, people of extremely varying attitudes–I think I've pretty much been tried and tested.  Now, I just have to learn how to endure ngarag moments in heels

first day

5:00 a.m.  Alarm clock rings.  I wake up, hits the snooze button, and falls asleep again.

6:30 a.m.  I wake with a jolt.  Shit, how many times did I hit the snooze button?  I do a 10-minute shower (which is the ultimate speed record for me!) and get dressed.

7:45 a.m.  I leave the house.  (Yes, it's actually the choosing-what-to-wear part the takes the longest!).

7:55 a.m.  I arrive at the FX terminal in Pacita and find myself standing at the end of a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong queue.  Not a single service is in sight.  Dammit.  Monday traffic.  I can't believe I'm gonna be late on my first day!  Stupid, stupid.

7:15 a.m.  An old classmate from high school arrives at the terminal.  What's her name, again? 

8:00 a.m.  Who's that guy in light blue polo?  He's cute….oh, wait, my God, my former ka-barkada from high school!  I can't believe I thought he's cute! 

8:15 a.m.  A third old classmate from high school arrives.  He used to be this pasaway student who always got called to the guidance office.  And look at him now.  Dressed up and decent, what with the brown necktie and all.  Oh how time changes everyone.  I'm sure under those glasses (which by the way doesn't conceal his eyes the way he thinks it does) he's looking at me and thinking, "Is that Koryn?  She has smaller hips now…" (more…)

words from the wise(r)

You talk like you're so old.  You're only what, 24?"

-Adam Mordo, March 10, 2007, Baang Coffee

Yeah.  After everything that's happened, I sometimes feel very old.  But maybe that's what I have to rid myself of–the baggages and the "Thinking Too Much" syndrome.  Like Meredith who sees herself "dark and twisty" (syempre, talagang kelangan i-relate sa Grey's Anatomy!), I sometimes feel too damaged.  I remember telling Porshee over lunch, "Will I ever find a guy who will be patient enough to understand where I'm coming from? Someone who will tolerate the fragility of my emotions after everything I've gone through?"  Now that I think about it, though, the world doesn't owe me their understanding.  Yeah, of course, I need some leeway here but instead of the universe slowing down and waiting for me to get over my past, I should get back on track and keep up with the pace.  Am  I making sense?  No?  I thought so.  I don't understand myself either.  I guess everything's too clogged up and messy and the only way to really, really bounce back is to start from scratch again.  (more…)

how to avoid wrinkles

When someone pisses you off, don't frown, don't get mad…

"Ma'am" Irish and I.  Taken during my despedida at 1920 Bar last March 13, 2007.

Just raise that middle finger and smile!

capones 2007

Itching for some adventure, seven beach junkies set off to the not-so-far-away land of Zambales for their first summer tan.

The Destination 

Capones Island, San Antonio, Zambales.

The Castaways 

Conrad.

Ainna (Photo by Conrad Vidad).

Ami.

Patisya.

  Koryn.

Alvin.

April.

Their Mission 

 Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.

O ha, sosyal!  Hehe, o tama na ang gaguhan! :p (more…)

in case of emergency

Meredith is Christina's "person."  I want my own "person."  Anyone up for the position?